I like to think of myself as the reigning queen of bad decisions, as well as being entirely too freely led by my inquisitive nature. This combination of traits is what saw me downloading Tinder a few nights ago for the first time, despite my only real experience of hearing about it involving a lot of dick pics and arsey put-downs from the blokes sending them when you don’t clap your hands in delight and offer up your vagina in response.
So anyway, I thought I’d download it and have a look through the peanut gallery, largely to see if anyone I know is on it-see aforementioned point about being too nosey for my own good.
This was the beginning of a string of bad decisions, and I don’t even have alcohol to blame for it.
So I set a picture and a one-liner intro, spent half an hour working out how to make sure Tinder didn’t steal all of my Facebook info, and settled down to browse the local talent.
The first bloke Tinder offered up appeared to be the lovechild of a hipster and a werewolf, and it is fair to say that things quickly went downhill from there.
The second thing I observed was that one of my friends appears to be Facebook friends with pretty much every other single lad within a ten mile radius, which was impressive if not slightly disconcerting.
Then, the goal of my whole endeavour was realised-I spotted someone I know. Except, his picture was of his dog, not him, and were it not for the first name and distinctive-looking dog, I’d never have realised it-which I am sure was the whole point, ie., to not let it be known that he was trolling Tinder.
So in my haste to both see what he was saying about himself and potentially weird tastes in sex (this guy is, it is fair to say, a bit of an oddball-highly antisocial and a little unnerving in how he communicates with people-I inadvertently swiped right instead of scrolling down. Curiosity killed the twat.
A frantic half hour of Googling and cursing later, I realised that there is no way to undo a Tinder “like,” which frankly, is blatantly stupid, no?
So I did the obvious thing and started spewing my drama all over Facebook in an attempt to find out what to do next, to the great delight of most of my crew, who know this dude and thought it was hilarious.
I am slightly pacified to learn that unless he also “likes” me (and I have since removed my profile) he will never know, so ok.
Anyway, next I decided to “like” this incredibly hot-looking guy who was frankly well out of my league, and the next thing I know that motherfucker is messaging me, apparently having also “liked” me. IT’S A MATCH. Well, that escalated quickly.
Sort of like this…
We exchanged several messages, none of which involved a dick pic or an invite to ride said dick, and I actually started to warm to the whole idea and was considering running with it.
Anyhoo, I hit the café (my office/home from home) the next day, determined to show the pic of my hot Tinder guy to all and sundry, when my mate asked to see his other pics. Other pics? Oh yeah, apparently you can scroll left to see additional images-which I then did.
This fella had put on about 100lb and taken on the look of an Eastern European enforcer in his other pics, and clearly bore little to no resemblance to the hot dude in the initial bait picture.
Sort of like this.
This was the point where I actually cancelled the whole Tinder thing, and decided that actually my curiosity is fully satisfied, and I am good for at least a couple more single years before the urge takes me again.
Have you got a Tinder tale of woe? Tell me in the comments.